About 5 months ago I found a chalkboard wall decor for just $5 dollars. I didn't know what exactly I was going to do with it but I mean, for $5 I was certain I could find a place to put it around the house. So, I bought it! About 2 months later I made my decision...I was going to do a timeline on it. I took my chalk pen out and went to work. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out and it now hangs in our living room. But I have a dilemma. See, I took a look at it not long ago and realized I was going to have to change it. Here's what it looks like...
What???!!! What????!!!! Yes, a little Penduck miracle is on the way and so, I'm going to have to get that chalk pen out again. :)
Remember how I said in my last blog post that sometimes silence is needed to process things? Not just bad things but good things too? Yeah...my news were good...very very good! But very very surprising. The morning of September 3 was one of those silence moments.
If you haven't read my story of infertility before let me give you a bit of background. My husband and I have been married for 9yrs now. We've been hoping to get pregnant for 8 and 1/2 of those years. For most of those years we just let life run its course and waited to see if one day we would get those wonderful news but it never happened...till now.
Last year we decided to give fertility treatments a shot. We were a bit hesitant to go through the process because, if things didn't turned out as we hoped, we knew what it would entail not only physically but also emotionally. Our last attempt was hard to process and yet it was also such a pivotal moment in our lives (you can read more about it here).
It was after that phone call that something happened in my soul. In one of the toughest moments in my life God took the opportunity to settled my heart and soul. During a time when words were tough to utter, silence came over and that was the moment when God was able to whisper at my heart.
As I went through my journey of accepting the fact that this would probably be our last attempt to get pregnant I came to a place when I was finally okay with this fact, "if I never have a child, God will be enough". It was at this time that this truth was finally sealed in my heart. Soon after this pivotal moment, God started whispering this challenge to me in more ways than one, "Share your story of infertility." That's the reason this blog got started, the reason why you are reading this blog. This was the venue I chose to share my journey. I knew that He was challenging me to share my story not as a way to vent but as a way to bring others some hope. That though the journey is hard and there may be unanswered prayers, God is still a good God and a God that still cares for you. The hope was that those that may be walking a similar journey would realize they're not alone and that there is power in sharing our stories.
And then, out of left field, God chose to remind Alex and I that our journey didn't quite end there.
Alex and I came back from our Nicaragua trip, a trip in which I was already pregnant. When we returned to the United States I was feeling sooooo fatigued and among other symptoms my mind began to ponder the thought that "perhaps I'm.....but nah.....must be all that delicious nicaraguan food I ate that messed up my stomach" or "maybe it's due to the antibiotics and steroid medicine I was taking during the trip which my doctor had prescribed for the ear infection I got before we left." And so, my heart and mind disregarded the thought that I could perhaps be.........."yeah, no. I'm pretty sure."
But the morning of September 3 I decided to take the tests I had asked the hubby to buy the night before. And then, the lines showed up...
That's when silence first kicked in. I saw the positive signs and went back to bed. Alex asked me, "well?", to which I replied "go check and see." I heard him say from the bathroom, "No way!". And he came back to bed.
We laid in bed saying nothing. Last time we had moments of silence was when we got THE phone call letting us know the fertility treatment had failed. However, this time the silence felt different. Our minds were trying to quickly catch up to the news. From time to time the silence was interrupted by a laugh and a "can you believe it?" But we had to quickly get up, take showers and head to work. And even at work, though there was noise around me, my mind, heart and soul were still in silence because I was in awe of the little miracle that was revealed to us that morning. That night, I took another test because I really didn't believe it.
Today, we are still processing the good news. We are still in awe. This shouldn't have happened. This is a miracle almost 9 years in the making. A miracle that doesn't make sense in the human mind but it makes total sense in the soul and specially in the heart.
A miracle sent to reassure us that God still showers us with little miracles, many times, when we least expected.
And now, a new journey awaits. A journey which I'm sure will bring new challenges, new memories, laughs, perhaps tears, and so much more. But for the moment I'm continuing to stay in awe of this good God of ours.